Grieving can be hard and painful, but making time for it and doing it with intention makes a real difference when healing from loss. There are many tools we have access to that help us grieve including leaning on friends and family, grief groups, therapy, appropriate self-care and more. Below we will talk about some ways to create intentional ceremonies to remember those lost and help spend time focused on them and processing their absence.
At Held Ceramics, we create hand thrown ceramics that incorporate cremated ashes into them to create beautiful memorial pieces that keep memories alive and provide a vessel for remembrance. Our goal is to help people process loss, grieve, and keep the memory of their loved ones alive, learn more here.
Below are some ways that can help to remember loved ones after a loss:
- Create a playlist of music that reminds you of them: Use music you shared together, music they loved, and music that brings back memories. Dedicate time to listen to the playlist without distractions and spend time thinking about the person.
- Pursue a shared hobby: Whether you saw movies together, took a glass blowing class, played music, or went to estate sales, continuing a hobby can provide a feeling of connection with someone you have lost.
- Spread ashes in a place you spend time: In a garden, a wooded area, even at a park where you go regularly can give that place extra meaning and create a connection to the person while you are there.
- Plant a tree or a plant: If you own your home and plan to stay for a long time, planting a tree outside can give you a feeling of connection and give you a place to remember. If you rent or plan to move in the future, a potted plant could be a better option. For this option, make sure you would be ok if the plant/tree didn't make it before you start planting.
- Plan a celebration with friends: Invite people over who all loved the person who has passed, have everyone bring a favorite dish and/or a story to share. Being around people can be helpful to healing and processing loss healthily.
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Create a picture memorial: Frame a meaningful picture (or several pictures) or make a photo album with pictures of the person you have lost and/or of you together and place it in a meaningful spot in your home that is appropriate for you. Depending on your relationship to the person this may be somewhere prominent or less trafficked. Choose when and how you will spend time with them.
- Upcycle a piece of clothing: This could mean simply adopting a piece of their clothing as your own, wearing a cozy sweatshirt or their favorite sports apparel. Or you can create something new out of clothes, a blanket or quilt made from their t-shirts or even a stuffed animal.
- Do something kind in their name: This could be something that reminds you of them or you have done together or something meaningful to you that you will dedicate to them. Volunteer to help someone, buy someone's coffee or groceries, or leave a generous tip.
- Cook a recipe they loved: Did they have a signature dish? Make it for yourself, for a party with other people who knew and loved them, or for people who didn't know them to pass a bit of them forward into a new group. If they enjoyed cooking, host a potluck where everyone brings a signature dish.
- Choose a ceremonial piece: A vase for flowers, an infuser, a candle holder, etc. Find an object that you can use to build a ceremony around when you feel it is appropriate. Celebrate their birthday, Mother's Day, when the cherry blossoms or lilacs bloom.
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Store letters in an accessible place: Either in a jar on a shelf or a bowl or basket that you can visit and read them when you want to feel close. Choose a few of the best letters or printed out emails and texts that will help you remember them in whatever light you need to.
- Schedule a "their day": Choose a day or a portion of a day to do things they liked, visit their favorite park, coffee shop, beach lookout, bookstore or hike. Focus on memories you shared with them along the way.
There are many ways to honor a loved one you have lost, we hope one of these ideas can be valuable to you and help you process loss and grief. If none of these was perfect, try adjusting it to something personal that you shared with the person. The more personal the better when it comes to memorializing.
One note: not every loss can get to a place where you are celebrating their life. If there are complicated feelings, make sure you take that into account when choosing a memorial idea and integrating it into your life.
The Held Team